Staying Well - Eat This Bread

I was sucked in by the incessant ads on Facebook.

If I am every going to really "go Paleo," a bread substitute would be a game-changer. I found out recently that Harvest Health carries this (frozen) almond bread made by Julian Bakery in a nearby store. I had to try it! So last weekend I trekked out to the store with Marissa and bought the most expensive loaf of bread ever. I am not willing to admit publicly what I paid for it.

The next day, Sunday morning, I got up early and started sucking down some black coffee. I had agreed to play my trombone in a brass quartet to accompany the choir and hymns at my church and needed to make it to a morning rehearsal.

Figuring I needed some sustenance along with my caffeine fix, I fried two eggs and toasted two slices of my new bread--just to try it. It is very heavy with almond flour and would stick to my ribs and get me through the morning.

I am not a morning person and eating this early was already a stretch for my stomach, but I bravely buttered the paleo bread and prepared to dip it in some egg yolk. But first I sniffed it and then I tried a bite with just butter on it. The bread smelled (was it my imagination?) like it was baked in a cave and tasted a bit worse! I wasn't sure if it was just me, so I offered a taste to the husband. He exclaimed that it tasted like POOP, chewed it a bit and then spit it out into the disposal sink. I was beginning to feel a little nauseous.

Once it was down, I was okay, and I made it through the morning just fine.

But I had some more issues with bread during the worship service. Instead of bits of delicious bakery bread that I remember from previous churches, we now have dreadful gluten-free wafers. I figure that eating those dry awful things is a way of helping me to remember Christ's suffering. Since I was playing, I took a wafer from the elder and set it on my music stand. But I had taken two!

Next, as I turned the page of my music, both wafers fell to the floor. Fortunately, in our church we do not hold to the belief that the wafers turn into the body of Christ, but I was embarrassed that my TWO wafers were now out of reach. After the service, I picked up the wafers and threw them into my trombone case ... and I ate one when I got home. I wasn't sure that was the right thing to do.

So I have one wafer left. Here it is, staged with a pewter communion pitcher--which has its own story.

Anyway, this (Monday) morning I thought I would give the Paleo bread one more try. How can I cover up that taste?

Sunday afternoon I had told my daughter about my very disappointing taste test. When I told my son-in-law about my cave thoughts and the husband's poop exclamation, he suggested it probably tasted like guano.

With the enhanced image of bat doodoo in my head, I got out some cheese and some salami and some spicy brown mustard. With all that spicy yumminess included, I managed a whole sandwich this morning with no thoughts of throwing up. I have to Eat this Bread. It is very nutritious, with almonds and egg whites and vinegar--and I paid a small fortune for it.

I am hoping that I don't need to eat Paleo bread in order to stay well. But I will continue to choke down that sacramental wafer for as long as I live here on earth. (I can't imagine having to eat something that distasteful in heaven.)